Out of the Woodwork
Gloria went to have a facial. She had her hair and her nails done, too. To round things off, she bought a ludicrous dress by Vivienne Westwood, at a ludicrous price and felt much better as she entered her beloved sanctuary a couple of hours before opening time. She mixed herself a Manhattan and contemplated the immediate - somewhat uncertain, future.
A creepy looking individual slunk into the bar and offered her a clammy hand.
"The name's Mudd. James Mudd"
"We're not open yet".
"I come not to imbibe, madam. I come to implore.
Implore that you heed my entreaty, which (no promises, mind) could bestow on you riches beyond the dreams of Ava ...Av ... Avis...
"Car Rental?" suggested Gloria,
She scowled at him. "Hey, what are you on"?
"On? I'm on a Mission; a Mission to conjoin our two illustrious enterprises for what can only be described as mutual ....mutual ... dam, what is
She scowled at him. "Hey, what are you on"?
"On? I'm on a Mission; a Mission to conjoin our two illustrious enterprises for what can only be described as mutual ....mutual ... dam, what is
the word?
"Do you want me to tell you"?
"Forgive me dear lady, a nervous habit of mine - alas,
when apprehensive, I am apt to succumb to florid verbosity.
"Who the Hell are you"?
"Mudd, James ..."
"Yes. You've done that bit. Hang on. You're not the infamous impresario?
One and the same, madam. One and the same.
"And you own the biggest sauna in town, right"?
"The MuddBath" indeed so. I cannot deny it. Nor can I repudiate the rumour that I am expanding. And that - I sincerely trust, is where (God willing)
you come in. Yes. I'm trebling my floorspace to accommodate a Nightclub"
"A nightclub in a sauna, well that's a novelty"
"Charming of you to say so but several years ago - when you were a mere child - if that, a young chanteuse
clearly destined for stardam - as surely as you yourself are, made her debut at a gay New York bath house.
"You mean the divine Miss M? Bette Midler"
"Not to mention her piano player, one Barry Manilow"
"Quite. One Barry Manilow is enough for anybody"
"Well, I think Barcelona is pining for that kind of sophistication and - if I may make so bold, you
Madam, are the Lady to herald it"
"But I can't sing"
"Your modesty is touching. Bless you. But what you have in abundance is that most elusive attribute
Style, dear Lady. Style. There's no other word for it. Miss Hepburn had it, so had Tallulah. It's not a gift randomly bestowed by the Almighty. I have been riveted - I repeat, riveted, by your performances on the internet, introducing those horny young musicians - whom I venture to suggest, are clad in more raiment than is strictly necessary - under the circumstances. Incidentally, I myself would be only too thrilled to get stuck in, in a - how shall I say, "hands on" capacity. No trouble, I assure you. Changing the subject completely, may I ask you a personal question?
"Depends"
"Tell me. What's your capacity"?
"Oh. Half a dozen large G&Ts usually sees me right"
"No no no. You misunderstand. I refer to the capacity of your magnificent watering hole. How many can you accommodate in that snug nest of yours?" "That is a rather personal question" said
Gloria, choking on her cherry. "Quite so. Forgive me but you
charge no entrance fee? Tut Tut, I say unto you. And again, Tut. The new Muddbath complex
will have a capacity of five hundred virile - that word again, young studs. Each and every one of them paying twenty Euros to enter my realm of Erotic Bliss. Not to mention copious additional income from the restaurants and bars."
"Well, Good Luck with it, Mr. Mudd"
He smirked, coyly. "My friends call me -Jimjams"
"Really?" said Gloria. "That's almost camp, Mr. Mudd. Anyway, I'm a simple girl at heart and quite
happy with what we have here."
"And what you have here, is precisely what I want there. In a word, I want your show"
"You can forget that. I wouldn't dream of pulling out of here"
"You wouldn't have to - except for one - exceedingly well remunerated night per week, when we would record our cutting edge TV extravaganza for my new channel Mudd Media. You'd be the star "naturellement" along with those two charming boys of yours. What a team! And I, of course would be only too willing to offer a hand - at climactic moments"
"That I can believe" Gloria conceded.
The impressario's imagination took flight. "I can see it all -
Yourself, your delectable musicians - accompanied by a eager troup of young Pros - in full support" "Jock straps?"
"No no." He hesitated. "Well, I suppose - at a pinch ...
"Chorus boys never did it for me" said Gloria.
" Tish. Mudd's Macho MEN more like it. They'll do it for anybody, so I do beg of you, dear Lady, to look on my proposal with a generous heart. Think it over. Put out Feelers"?
"Oh I will. I'll consider the ramifications with my virile young acolytes - Naturellement"
TO BE CONTINUED ...
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ITALY, NIGERIA, SERBIA, UKRAINE and BARBADOS!
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"Do you want me to tell you"?
"Forgive me dear lady, a nervous habit of mine - alas,
when apprehensive, I am apt to succumb to florid verbosity.
"Who the Hell are you"?
"Mudd, James ..."
"Yes. You've done that bit. Hang on. You're not the infamous impresario?
One and the same, madam. One and the same.
"And you own the biggest sauna in town, right"?
"The MuddBath" indeed so. I cannot deny it. Nor can I repudiate the rumour that I am expanding. And that - I sincerely trust, is where (God willing)
you come in. Yes. I'm trebling my floorspace to accommodate a Nightclub"
"A nightclub in a sauna, well that's a novelty"
"Charming of you to say so but several years ago - when you were a mere child - if that, a young chanteuse
clearly destined for stardam - as surely as you yourself are, made her debut at a gay New York bath house.
"You mean the divine Miss M? Bette Midler"
"Not to mention her piano player, one Barry Manilow"
"Quite. One Barry Manilow is enough for anybody"
"Well, I think Barcelona is pining for that kind of sophistication and - if I may make so bold, you
Madam, are the Lady to herald it"
"But I can't sing"
"Your modesty is touching. Bless you. But what you have in abundance is that most elusive attribute
Style, dear Lady. Style. There's no other word for it. Miss Hepburn had it, so had Tallulah. It's not a gift randomly bestowed by the Almighty. I have been riveted - I repeat, riveted, by your performances on the internet, introducing those horny young musicians - whom I venture to suggest, are clad in more raiment than is strictly necessary - under the circumstances. Incidentally, I myself would be only too thrilled to get stuck in, in a - how shall I say, "hands on" capacity. No trouble, I assure you. Changing the subject completely, may I ask you a personal question?
"Depends"
"Tell me. What's your capacity"?
"Oh. Half a dozen large G&Ts usually sees me right"
"No no no. You misunderstand. I refer to the capacity of your magnificent watering hole. How many can you accommodate in that snug nest of yours?" "That is a rather personal question" said
Gloria, choking on her cherry. "Quite so. Forgive me but you
charge no entrance fee? Tut Tut, I say unto you. And again, Tut. The new Muddbath complex
will have a capacity of five hundred virile - that word again, young studs. Each and every one of them paying twenty Euros to enter my realm of Erotic Bliss. Not to mention copious additional income from the restaurants and bars."
"Well, Good Luck with it, Mr. Mudd"
He smirked, coyly. "My friends call me -Jimjams"
"Really?" said Gloria. "That's almost camp, Mr. Mudd. Anyway, I'm a simple girl at heart and quite
happy with what we have here."
"And what you have here, is precisely what I want there. In a word, I want your show"
"You can forget that. I wouldn't dream of pulling out of here"
"You wouldn't have to - except for one - exceedingly well remunerated night per week, when we would record our cutting edge TV extravaganza for my new channel Mudd Media. You'd be the star "naturellement" along with those two charming boys of yours. What a team! And I, of course would be only too willing to offer a hand - at climactic moments"
"That I can believe" Gloria conceded.
The impressario's imagination took flight. "I can see it all -
Yourself, your delectable musicians - accompanied by a eager troup of young Pros - in full support" "Jock straps?"
"No no." He hesitated. "Well, I suppose - at a pinch ...
"Chorus boys never did it for me" said Gloria.
" Tish. Mudd's Macho MEN more like it. They'll do it for anybody, so I do beg of you, dear Lady, to look on my proposal with a generous heart. Think it over. Put out Feelers"?
"Oh I will. I'll consider the ramifications with my virile young acolytes - Naturellement"
Taken for a Ride
THANKS EVERYONE FOR OVER 23,000 hits
S.AFRICA AUSTRALIA SOUTH AMERICA and JAPAN
A special welcome this month, to our new followers in INDONESIA, FINLAND
ITALY, NIGERIA, SERBIA, UKRAINE and BARBADOS!
(Who'd have thought it)?
contact: mediaformats@gmail.com (c.2017)